Bert is a minor character in Ugly Americans. He is a giant bulky humanoid with tiny arms and grayish-green skin.

Bert is a social worker in the Department of Integration that gets laid off in the pilot episode. While Mark Lilly is walking down the street, Bert grabs and swallows him whole outside the department. Leonard Powers intervenes and makes Bert spit Mark out. Then Bert says to Mark, "Now you know how it feels to be chewed up and spit out by the system, man."