With the intramural football game coming up, everyone begins to get worried about their teams. Mark is a good team player, but a terrible actual player. When Randall demonstrates the power of his new arm, he is given a job at the Department of Integration as the team's ringer.
The Department of Integration holds a meeting about the coming annual intramural football game. Mark is going to lead the students in the Social Services Department to play against the Goons of the Law Enforcement Department. Callie berates a decision made by Mark last year which got Gerard killed in the field.
Croatian Man works as an underground surgical doctor and gives Randall a new arm. Mark tells Croatian Man that he cannot do surgical operations because he is not a doctor in America even though he has a license from Croatia. Instead, Mark gets Croatian Man a job at Sandwich Doctors, a deli in a hospital.
Mark makes the students in his class join the football team. He also tells them his dream is to become the senior social services coordinator.
Twayne places a million dollar's bet on Social Services' team to his bookie Carmine. Then he finds out Mark stinks as a team leader. When Twayne sees Randall's prowess in football with his strong new right arm, he makes him the new senior social services coordinator. And Randall's title comes with an assistant, Heather. Randall encourages Croatian Man to be a doctor and bids him to tend to the patients in the hospital.
When Randall takes Mark off the football team, Mark grabs Randall's playbook to the goon squad and joins their team. Grimes sets him up for work in Law Enforcement and partners him with Rico Rodriguez who is 2 days from retirement. Mark's gun misfires and kills Rico. Mark gets distress and tells Randall he is going to beat Randall in the game.
Before the game, Grimes gives all his players steroid injections. Mark goes crazy and tackles the players in the game, including some of his own teammates. Then he sees Randall is trying to throw the game to let him win. He talks to Randall at halftime, and Randall apologizes for humiliating him in front of his students. Mark switches back to Social Services' team, but promptly gets his leg broken by the Goons. Croatian Man tends to Mark's leg and only makes it worse. Randall carries out "The Leviathan" from his plays and finally wins his team 6 points, but still loses to the Goons' 120. Randall loses his new arm near the end of the game, and calls Croatian Man a quack.
In the end, Callie finally gets enough money from pimping Leonard and gets a sports car. Randall gets a new but limp arm. Carmine gets his million dollars from Twayne. And Mark has to learn how to walk again because Croatian Man has messed up his leg.
- The pictures at the end credits show how Leonard's life was when he was pimped out by Callie in the street. The last picture shows that, apart from Leonard, some of Mark's students, i.e., Croatian Man, Doug, Erik, Great Brain and Martin, also worked for Callie as prostitutes.
The rest in order of appearance:
|Series and Games||Ugly Americans ‧ 5 On ‧ FUGLY | Citizen Ugly ‧ Apocalypsegeddon|
|Characters||Main||Mark Lilly ‧ Randall Skeffington ‧ Callie Maggotbone ‧ Leonard Powers ‧ Twayne Boneraper ‧ Francis Grimes|
|Recurring|| Aldermach Maggotbone ‧ Rosie ‧ Melchior ‧ Goon squad |
Mark's class : Croatian Man ‧ Doug ‧ Erik ‧ Great Brain ‧ Martin ‧ Toby
|Matt Oberg ‧ Kurt Metzger ‧ Natasha Leggero ‧ Randy Pearlstein ‧ M.L. Wooley ‧ Larry Murphy ‧ Julie Klausner ‧ Devin Clark ‧ Pete Holmes ‧ Mike O'Gorman|
|Writers||Devin Clark (creator) ‧ David M. Stern (development) ‧ Daniel Powell (exec. producer) ‧ Greg White ‧ Bill Krebs ‧ Jeff Poliquin ‧ Aaron Blitzstein ‧ Nate Federman ‧ Kevin Shinick|
|Directors||Devin Clark ‧ Aaron Augenblick (supervising producer) ‧ Richard Ferguson-Hull|
|Species (list)||Demon ‧ Human ‧ Manbird ‧ Succubus ‧ Vampire ‧ Wizard ‧ Zombie|
|Other categories||Episodes (list) | Government ‧ Items ‧ Locations ‧ Magic ‧ Media|